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The 4th step in reaching a place where I could lose weight was to determine what has stopped me in the past from losing weight.
At my highest weight, I was honestly in denial of how miserable I was inside my own body.
I had an amazing support system, a great group of friends, and was a college athlete… but I weighed 261lbs and wore a size 20.
I overate all the time, I had no perception of the number of calories I was putting into my body, and I hid my true emotions by eating. At that point in my life I allowed other people and their opinions of me to control my life. Although I had so much to be happy about, deep inside I was eating to cover all of the emotions I was really feeling.
When I lost weight back in 2006 I had reached a place where I stopped allowing people’s opinions of me to affect me. I moved to Vermont despite the opinions of others and for the first time in my life I put myself first. I ate in moderation, I found joy in my cardio workouts, and I fell in love with myself again. Life was simple in Vermont and it allowed me to focus on what really mattered, my life, my health, and my future.
It wasn’t until I reached 207lbs that I realized how miserable I was at 261lbs.
But the big question is, why didn’t I continue losing weight? Why did I start to gain weight again?
Well the truth is, I move back to the environment that had controlled me. Although leaving Vermont was a great decision for my career, moving back to Washington, DC was really hard for me. I felt like I had worked so hard to get out of the box I hated, only to move right back into it.
I turned back to food, I started to allow food to comfort me again, and I didn’t make cardio a major part of my life. I got depressed and I returned to the place where I allowed people to affect my decisions.
I’ve gone through a lot these past 5 years and the reality is, life is probably just going to get crazier. I was so lucky to have lived in Vermont for that year. To have gotten away from it all. To live in the mountains and to be able to focus on myself for a bit. What I’ve had to realize is that I can’t allow life, people, and situations to affect my life, my joy, and my goals… no matter where I live.
Not putting myself and my health first has stopped me. Food has stopped me. Lack of cardio has stopped me. Not using portion control has stopped me. Laziness has stopped me. Allowing people to affect my decisions has stopped me. All of these things have stopped me from losing weight in the past and I want to work to move beyond those things.
I can’t say that I’m exactly where I want to be, but I’m working on it. The reality is, DC is a crazy city and not ideally where I’d like to live long term. I like to live a simpler life and to be in a place where people interact with one another more daily. People are just so busy here in DC, myself included, and I just miss the simpler life.
In the end though, it’s just really important to recognize what has stopped me in the past from losing weight. It’s key in being able to move on past those things and to hopefully stay away from them. I’ve allowed myself to turn back to food and old habits before, so the challenge is to forever live in a place where I am committed to my health and fitness, regardless of what’s going on around me.
To Be Continued….
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Tagged with: Dieting • Weight Loss • What has stopped me
Filed under: Deep Thoughts • Health • Mental Health • Motivation • My Weight Loss • Tips For Losing Weight • Tools For Success • Weight Loss
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I live in DC too, and I totally feel where you’re coming from! I love the outdoors and often think that I’d be having more luck with my weight loss in a less hectic environment. If I didn’t always have happy hours, birthdays, etc. on the books, it would be a lot easier to focus on ME and my health. But then again I’d probably be having less fun. Sigh. Thanks for this post
This is a really relatable post for me. I definitely let my environment have a ton of impact on my eating and exercise routine. It’s really hard to own up to, especially when you just aren’t where you want to be in life.
Joanna recently posted..WIAW: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
Another great post! Once again this really hits home for me…The ups and downs with my weight has really affected me. Thank you for writing this series, it really hits home!
I completely understand where you are coming from with D.C. I gained about 20 pounds during the four years that I lived in D.C. Granted much of that was because my lifestyle changed from college to postgraduate, to grad school to marriage. And all of those things, for me, added up to unhealthy.
Since I’ve moved back to South Carolina though, (for that simpler life you talked about) I’ve found a support system to help me be more realistic about reaching my goals. I’ve also found that it’s easier to here to focus on something like losing weight because sadly it’s much easier to get around — to and from the gym, or out on the weekends to the park, etc. It just feels like there’s more time in my day somehow.
I love D.C. and miss it terribly, but I completely understand where you are coming from about the bustle of that place. When you work on the Hill and you can’t pack a carefully planned meal, you’re running between hearings etc., yeah, living healthy is hard to do there.
Liz recently posted..Adventures in cooking
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and personal post….it is important to realize what are the reasons that we stopped losing weight (or just living our healthiest and happiest lives) and find ways to get back to that place. It’s a journey…a challenge…it’s not easy but remain strong, steadfast, and confident that YOU.GOT.THIS. Again, thank you for sharing this!
The Get Fit Diva recently posted..Weekly Weigh-In & Motivation
I love your honesty! I felt that way in Texas–I was far from my family and (looking back) I realize I was lonely and sad and eating my emotions. I’m blessed to have a husband who saw that and left his home to be closer to mine. It took us awhile to find the sweet spot but we are now in a great location and we love it! It really effects you physically and emotionally–hope that you can find community even in a big place like dc.
Kate @KateMovingForward recently posted..Weight Loss Tip: Every Little Bit Counts
No matter where you live, you can go within. The outside world does not matter as far as the decisions you make for yourself, and you already realize this. Taking care of yourself first and not worrying about what people say is key. Meditate on this every morning. If you put yourself first, the rest will fall into place.
I love this post and can really relate. My husband and I moved to Minnesota after grad school for our careers and are both fairly miserable here. Most of our family and friends are at least 6 hours away which makes it hard to focus on anything other than your jobs. We have started to focus on doing things that are more healthy for ourselves but realize that we need to really consider where we live and what is best for us!
Becky @ Olives n Wine recently posted..I miss college.
Oh my goodness I could hug you right now–for so many reasons, because this “Not putting myself and my health first has stopped me. Food has stopped me. Lack of cardio has stopped me. Not using portion control has stopped me. Laziness has stopped me. Allowing people to affect my decisions has stopped me. All of these things have stopped me from losing weight in the past and I want to work to move beyond those things.” is so me right now. Thank you for giving voice to this reality.
Elena recently posted..Empowering Runners: runDisney Princess Half Meetup
Ashely, you are so articulate and on-point with every single post! You take thoughts from my head and turn them into words! So thank you x100!!!!!
Carly @ Snack Therapy recently posted..Weirder by the Second
Put yourself first. Health, fitness, good eating–all of those things should come first in our lives before family and friends. Truthfully, if we are unhealthy, obese and die of diabetes early we won’t be around long for our family and friends, right?
The hardest part is NOT feeling guilty about putting yourself first. Sometimes I still struggle with that and let people make me feel guilty.
Lisa recently posted..Finding My Way
Really great post. DC controlled me in a different way when I lived there, my drinking was borderline worrisome. While I didn’t change the second I moved to Seattle, it certainly helped to have more to active things to do and more healthy people to be around. I think it’s a combination of maturity, desire to want to change and seeing the better life that you could have for yourself that can lead you to the right path, no matter where you are. I’m cheering for you Ashley, you’re going to make this happen for yourself.
MegG recently posted..In My Twenties Tuesday: Time to Get Pregnant
Thanks for sharing your story. The good thing is that you’re aware of where you falter, so you can work and take positive steps to move forward.
Great and heart-felt post. You sound like you’re in tune with your body and I think you look beautiful in all of the photos you posted either way! IT’s all about changing the relationship with food and stopping from using it as a comfort. It’s something I’m working on right now too (and have been), I may not be overweight by much but I have a few lbs to lose but I would be fine with those, the thing that drives me is how I feel and the distasterous relationship I have with food. Also, cardio isn’t all that – I don’t do cardio very much, you should include strength training or circuit training not just cardio, so it can build muscles which in turn keep your metabolism revving. More muscles in the body, means you burn more calories doing nothing. Cardio burns calories only as you do it, but it has been shown that is can catabolize muscle so there is no afterburn and you may lose weight but your metabolism may get worse too. I think you shold definitely try strength trianing. I love it!
Kammie @ Sensual Appeal recently posted..My First Day with Intermittent Fasting
SO relatable. ALL of your reasons are also my reasons for why I stopped losing weight, stopped maintaining my weight, and regained my weight. Growing up in Vermont for the first 18 years of my life, though I love (and miss every day) my family there, I always knew I wanted to live in the crazy city. I love DC. I want this to be my forever home, and it is here that I lost 135 pounds. ANNNNDD subsequently regained it. I found myself when I lost my weight and I walk around feeling somewhat lost now. This is truly the never-ending journey for me. I just need to take those steps again. Thanks for sharing! I always feel so refreshed to hear that I’m not alone. xo
Gwen recently posted..Puerto Rico Plans
I think that sitting down and recognizing our struggles is what helps us really get to the places we want to go. I am struggling right now too, but I think it’s because it’s my first REAL winter in a place where it’s not 65 degrees year round. I miss running outside. I said it to myself the other day – then realized there’s no reason why I can’t run outside. Just making excuses for myself!
Keep up the hard work. My goal is just to be mindful everyday of what I am doing, and hopefully someday the scale will reflect that.
such great introspection! I think that is a piece that a lot of people skip when deciding to undertake weight loss and that’s why they regain.
Moving is hard…I have both embraced it and been terrified of it.
Amanda @RunToTheFinish recently posted..IT Band School – Lunge Matrix for Recovery
I love that you are aware of all that is holding you back on making you a priority! I know how hard it is-and I would LOVE to up and move from my craziness to a quiet, peaceful place and start over.
Although I cant do that, I have found a happy place right now that I feel I am able to focus on me (I find it easier in the winter when its not such a social season).
I have learned that its ok that I dont see all my friends each week. Its ok if I spend my weekend doing my long runs, going to workout classes and prepping my food for the week. THIS is what makes me happy, not going out to eat all the time and stressing over what to eat, when will I be able to work it off.
I am sure come spring this may change, but right now, I will enjoy it!!
It’s great that you are able to see what stopped you before so you can make steps forward!
Danielle @ Truffles n’ Treadmills recently posted..Three Great Things to Start Off Your Weekend
This is really such a great post and really one that I can understand. You are so right. The key to any weightloss journey is to find out what keeps you from losing the weight in the first place. It doesn’t always mean that onece you figure it out you get to move on…Sometimes I have to remind myself everyday.
Great post!
Brandi recently posted..Choices
Well, I’m just gonna say it: I hate DC. I’ve lived here for 7 years now and I NEVER wanted to be here this long! It’s for the EXACT reasons you stated – simplicity. I grew up in a small western Pennsylvania town – population 350. While I hated it then, I appreciate that lifestyle SO MUCH MORE now that I’ve lived here. I truly believe it has impacted my health in a negative way, mainly because of a constant feeling of a lack of time. I can’t help but wonder what Liz seemed to validate about living in SC – you regain more time in your day when you’re not spent sitting in traffic or commuting or what have you. Now that I’m about to have a child, I worry a lot about how I’m going to lose not only the baby weight, but the initial weight I was trying to lose to begin with. Time was skimpy before, and now it’s going to get even slimmer once she arrives. I love how much I can relate to your journey – it’s so comforting to know that another soul is dealing with the same thing in a similar way!
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