What’s in a Number?

This past weekend I was cleaning out a closet and came across a box of my journals.  I used to journal pretty regularly, but that quickly transitioned into what you read here daily a little over 2 years ago.

The journals I found were filled with wedding plans, daily food logs, and thoughts about my life at the time.  Sometimes it’s fun to look back on what I was thinking and going through, but what surprised me the most was my body weight over the course of those journals.

I shared last week that back in June I hit my highest weight since losing 50 pounds back in 2006, but going through the journals made me realize that my weight has really been higher than I’d like for quite some time now.

Blogging has really made me focus on my weight, a lot more than I ever use to.  Now that’s not to say that I wasn’t focused on losing weight and getting in better shape, but I never use to weigh myself as much as I do now.  I hated the scale, so I’d really go months without weighing myself.

Looking back I think I was more focused on how I felt, how my clothes fit, what my eats were like, and how much I was working out.  Now a days, I’m just so focused on what the scale reads.

Going through journals and seeing my weight over the course of time really helped to give me some perspective. It made me really think about what’s in a number…

September 15, 2009 – 232.4

July 2009

July 1, 2010 – 231.4

July 2010

August 21, 2010 – 226.0

Aug 2010

November 20, 2010 – 213.6

october 2010

April 16, 2011 – 222.0

Feb 2011

May 26, 2011 – 217.2

July 2011

November 29, 2011 – 227.2

Nov 2011

March 26, 2012 – 229.4

March 2012

June 11, 2012 – 225.2

May 2012

July 25, 2012 – 229.8

Aug 2012

October 2, 2012 – 222.4

Oct 2013

January 3, 2013 – 230.6

Jan 2013

March 1, 2013 – 227.2

March 2013

June 3, 2013 – 234.2

Ashley

July 3, 2013 – 228.2

Cross Cycle Bootcamp Revolve DC

It was good to look back at my weight over the past 4 years, not only numerically but visually.  I know that my body is so much stronger now at 230 than it was back in July 2010 at 230.  I have a lot more muscle now and am in much better shape!

Also, just by looking at the photos, I can think back and remember how I felt at that point in my life and at that weight.  I never, ever feel good when I weigh 230 or higher.  I feel uncomfortable and overweight.  As I get into the 220s I feel better, but I still want to lose more.  Each time I’ve been below 220, like in November 2010 when I weighed 213, I felt like I was on top of the world.

Yes my goal is to get below 200, but looking back over the past 4 years helped me to remember how great I feel when I’m at least below 220.  It was just the motivation I needed and am really hoping to get out of this 2 year slump/plateau I’ve been in.

I want to feel better in my body and to get back to a weight I’m more comfortable with!

Can anyone relate?  Have you looked back at your weight over the years?

Comments

  1. says

    I weighed more before I had my kids, but feel my body is way less firm now. That in itself is frustrating, because clothes I could wear at a higher weight don’t fit properly now.

    I am pretty focused on the number right now, but also in body confidence. I have struggled with this at EVERY weight, including when I was 155lbs.

  2. Jessie says

    This is pretty much my reality as well and I’ve been meaning to thank you for your vulnerability and openness on this blog. I can relate to so much of what you say, do, and experience. It’s a complete mental ‘game’ for me as far as weight loss goes. I absolutely love working out and can push myself to the limit day in and day out but if my mind is not set on my goal all the time, then it’s a constant struggle and challenge to meet it. You are a confident, beautiful woman and that number on the scale does not define you!!

  3. says

    I have been really focused on my numbers lately. It is higher the it has been since I was pregnant, and that just gets me down and makes me feel doughy. I am happiest at about 20 pounds less then I am now, but it is SO hard to stay there once I do get there…keep fighting the good fight! We will all hit those goals eventually. It is a constant way of life!

  4. says

    I recently got back into a size 10 for the first time since HS. However, in high school I didn’t work out at all and now my marathon training has put me in much better shape. Even though I am the same size it is strange to notice the differences.

  5. says

    That is really interesting…I can’ really do it because I don’t weigh myself hardly over — mostly because a higher number than I’m comfortable with really messes with my head so I don’t deal with it. But I’d be curious to see trends over the years if I could! Cool idea.

    Lastly, you carry your weight very well, I would have guessed you to be a lighter weight for sure! Either way, I hope you can find a place you are comfortbale!

  6. says

    I honestly have no clue what my weight was over the years – not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know my lowest points but other than that, I guess I don’t really keep track.

  7. Jade says

    I can totally relate. I can completely visualize how I felt, what my emotions were and how centred they are around my body, it still is… I do do a lot of thinking and listening to podcasts about healthy weights and how he number in your head of what you should weigh might not necessarily be your healthy weight. My head goes back and forth over this fact as I would love my body to be much lower, but then I remember when I was there how unhappy I still was and wasn’t menstruating which if course is not healthy, but with the weight I am now, I’m unhappy with how I look but I a, healthy…. It’s a war in my head!

  8. says

    I’ve been know to obsess over the number on the scale and am slowly but surely realizing that there are so many more ways to measure my progress (which I’m sure you are well aware of). I still get caught up in the number which is why I have taken to hiding my scale for weeks at a time just to get my head back to a happy place when it comes to the number i see :)

  9. says

    This post sends such a beautiful message! We should all feel good in our own skin, at whatever weight gets us there. Too often we are told that we should just be skinnier, or be thinner, when the message should be that we should be at a weight at which we are comfortable, not the rest of the world. Thank you for this message and for sharing such beautiful moments from your life. Despite a pound or two in either direction, you are a beautiful woman with a truly beautiful spirit!

    -Girl Eat

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