A few months ago when I walked into Rebecca Scritchfield’s office, the first thing she asked me was what my goals were. I hesitated, thought about it for a second, and then went on to explain my goal of reaching 180lbs.
I’ve thought about that number a lot over the past few months and go back and forth about it. Sometimes I feel like that goal is unrealistic and unhealthy for my body structure and other times I think I’m just too scared to see if my body would be happy there. The lowest I’ve weighed as an adult was 207lbs and I was pretty happy there, so the thought of weighing 27 pounds less just seems crazy.
Doctors have told me time and time again that I need to reach a healthy weight range of 155-170lbs for my height (5’9″), but I always felt like that was extreme. I knew I wanted to weigh under 200, so at some point in my life I somehow settled on 180lbs.
You see society, our society, places such a negative judgement on any weight over 200lbs. ONEDERLAND is what we strive for, but is it really all that unhealthy to weigh over 200lbs. I’ve thought to myself or is it just society that tells us it is? 200 pounds looks so different on so many people. We are all different shapes, sizes, heights, and have completely different body compositions but sadly, I feel like society just tells us that in order to be healthy you must weigh less than 200…
PS- This is what 230lbs looks like on me ;)
Over the past few months I’ve really learned to love by body more. To love how strong I am and to really get my head around how much my muscle actually weighs.
I still struggle to let go of 180 because I have no idea what that will look and feel like but at the same time know that I don’t feel the most comfortable in my skin at 230lbs. It’s a tough battle between two numbers.
Last winter I shared these three goals with y’all and have thought about them a lot. I’m still unsure about goal 3, but I wont really know until I reach goal 1 and goal 2. More importantly, I’ve been thinking a lot about my non-scale goals and where I want to be long term. It’s taken me a while to figure these out but here’s a look at my “real goals”…
- Stop overeating, binging on food, and sneak eating.
- Be as healthy as possible before having children (during and after!).
- Be consistent with my weekly workouts.
- Fit comfortably into a size that is sold at most stores! This is more important to be that my body weight.
- Get back down to my healthy and happy weight of 207.
- Eat balanced meals, focusing on whole foods as the base.
- Teach my kids to appreciate food as fuel, sharing the joy that can come from all things, not just food.
- Come to peace with not dieting to the extreme, focusing on the 7 goals above instead of a quick (temporary) fix.
I may always weigh over 200 pounds and I’m learning to be ok with that. Maybe 180 is in my future, but it is not my focus. My focus is on the goals listed above, my husband (and Theodore), and on our future.